What To Do?

"Do not pass by me. I beg you.... I'm right here."
I don't mind, living the rest of my life to prove how much I love you...
But, what to do? What to do? The question keep on haunting me every day... Every time you tell me the word of love.. Should I do nothing? Should I stop trying?

I did. I love someone else back then. I fell so hard. But, when I gained my courage to rise my self over again, I knew they are my past. I knew how painful it is to realized your beloved one was belong to someone else... But everyone have past...
What to do? What to do? The question is now spoken for myself instead of you....

I can write you a lot love letters.. But I've written something for my precious lover. I can serenade you love songs but I've sung for my precious lover. I can give you my all but you can always say I've given everything to my previous lover....
I give you every space in my mind but I used to think about somebody else before you.. What to do? What to do? A singer will sing to show the feeling, a writer will write, a lover will love. But what to do if I can't do all of them for you?

I enjoy doing things you hate.. How to fix it? How to fix it?
I'm sorry... I'm sorry... For that you are not my first in a lot of things... I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry...
But you hate it when I say sorry.. What to do? What to do? I want you to die loving me.. I want to die being loved by you... What to do?
How is it? Are you tired enough to be loved by insatiable and obsessive one?

I though, I was trying to love you better.. But all I do is messing everything up.. I thought I understand you but I don't... What to do?
I wanna touch you.. But I pulled my hand back as I realized I used it to touch someone else back then...
I wanna say I love you but I said it to someone else before...
I keep on thinking of how to say and show you my feeling in the way you can be comfortable.. But I find no answer.

Even though I was a silly one, I still loving you with all my strength. But sometimes I've stopped..
Even though I used to randomly hug and kiss you, I've stopped..
Even though I wrote a lot and show you, I've stopped...
I wrote, keep it, taking notes, memorize, and delete all of them...
What to do? What to do? I keep on asking.. For everything that I've done, are they enough?
Will you keep loving me this way?

I've never experienced something like this and I don't know what to do.. I always... Always ruin everything.. What should I do?
From now on.. All I can do is to love you in silence. Cause I'm too afraid, I might ruin everything over and over again...

As long as you are okay.. As long as you are happy... I will do nothing unnecessary.
For you.... I can't give anything more than something I've given to my precious lover..
But whatever you asked me to do I'll do, whatever you like I'll do, whatever you hate I'll avoid, that's all effort I can do not to lose you.

I still have something I haven't given to anyone.. My life... Will it be enough?
Since that's the only thing left...
And once again, I don't want to lose you...

Your precious one,


一Aira chan